Into the Unknown

Who is the patron saint of the unknown? 

Anybody know? ;)

I guess maybe the question is a bit strange….

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster. Let’s just look recap Sunday to Sunday:

• Baptism of my friend’s baby, and then reception. JOY!!!! I love this kid!
• Last Life night at St. Tim’s for a few months. So sad! I’m going to miss the CORE and the teens so much!
• Meeting with Jake to help me get my act together
• Spiritual direction to help me get my act together
• Dad’s birthday – Yay!
• Crying on the way to work – that’s always fun – especially when it’s right before a party they are about to throw for you to send you off on mission
• I miss my friend – I’m going to miss these people – I’m afraid – I don’t want to be alone – I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING!!!!
• Party time – quick, turn this frown upsidedown
• What's going to happen to me in Africa? Hmm….
• Babysitting: always uplifting! J
• Text spiritual director: “Please say an extra prayer for me! I feel so unsettled!”
• Send-off party – So good to see everyone!
• Workshop on healing and deliverance
• Maybe that last one is related, but I definitely feel much more at peace now :)

For several days, I was feeling so much unrest. It was unusual. I tried to explain this to my friend, Robert, who had sensed this and said it disturbed him as well. He noted that my attitude toward this mission seemed different than the others. I agreed, saying that I have twice been on international missions and I have also previously joined a religious community, and in all those instances, I felt peace, joy and great excitement, even when I was entering into it with the intention of committing my whole life. Yet, this time, when I am going to Uganda for 3 months (not a lifetime), I felt sad and afraid and other emotions I couldn’t even identify. (PMS? Indigestion? Anticipatory side effects of anti-malarials?)

On Thursdays, I work as a janitor at the City of the Lord community center. As I mentioned, they threw a little party for me to send me off, and as part of that they prayed over me. One of them invoked the intercession of St. Joseph, as someone who took a mission to a foreign land for the sake of Christ, asking him to go with me and protect me. I thought, yes, that’s what I desire: a protector. This same person stopped as she was leaving work and said, “God has his own plans for this mission.”

Perhaps that’s it.

This time, I am stepping into the unknown. On past mission trips, someone else always organized all the activities, and I just had to show up and follow directions. Furthermore, I have always had someone to go with and/or someone I would be with the whole time, someone who had some familiarity with the country or culture. And, typically, there was always a man around….or a group….or a group of men (ones that I knew and trusted, or ones that people I trusted knew and trusted). All of that combined makes for a pretty spectacular safety net.

This time, my brother is coming for two weeks, but after that….I don’t yet know who I will pal around with. I haven’t yet met the woman I’m going to be living with. I don’t know how often I will need to travel around by myself. I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing each day, because I’m relying on God to direct me as I go. I don’t know much.

But God does. The unknown is not unknown to God. (Psalm 139)

He has been very generous in providing for this mission, and I trust that He will continue to be. He knows what He wants me to do each day, and I trust that He will let me know what I need to know when I need to know it. I will show up, and do my best to follow directions. Because I know that God is with me….and I know that St. Joseph will be too…..(and St. Alphonsus, through whom I am praying a novena right now)…..to be my father, my protector, and my guide.

St. Joseph, patron saint of the unknown, pray for me.